...I also daydream of running risk assessments on criminals and having a six figure salary, so my dreams are incompatible. The closest I can come to Southern housewifery is making biscuits while listening to Patsy Cline on a Sunday morning.
The key to these biscuits is to work the dough as little as possible. When I turned them out on to the board they were lumpy as hell and you could still see large, shimmering flecks of unmixed butter in the dough. This is what you want! Like Alton says, just walk away! Just... walk away.
To cut the heaviness of a biscuit breakfast, I decided that citrus juice was in order. In the winter, sometimes the only fruit you can find is citrus and bananas, and if you don't already know, I loathe bananas. I had grapefruits and tangerines on hand though, and in my opinion, a more excellent combination could not be planned.
Alton Brown's grandmother, Ma Mae, is the most quintessential of Southern grandmothers, and she made biscuits just like these every day of her life. While that may not be realistic for the strong, liberal woman of today, it's an awfully satisfying way to quench a guilty daydream.